Top 7 YouTube Goose Attacks

Geese are crazy. They don't give an f. Ducks? Manageable. Chickens? Helpful. Sparrows? You don't even know they're there. But geese? They will mess you up. Don't take our word for it. These hapless schmos found out the hard way that geese are thugs. Then it all wound up on YouTube for us to enjoy. So please, for your own safety, heed the warning that is our Top 7 YouTube Goose Attacks.

7. Bill Dance Barely Escapes With His Life

Fishing television legend Bill Dance will punch a damn fish in the mouth, but even Dance knows that a battle against a goose is unwinnable. If Bill Dance isn't hard enough to beat a goose down, what chance do us lesser mortals stand?


6. Goose Holds Toys R Us Hostage



Okay, this one's not from YouTube, but still stands as a stark testament to the terrifying evil of geese. Not shown in this news report: the goose brutally murders Geoffrey Giraffe and feasts on his eyes.



5. Goose Mob Mauls Hippie



Hey, cargo shorts: Those geese don't want to hear about the last Dave Matthews concert you attended. They will nest in your shredded skin and sandals. Run, hippie, run!

4. Death From Above



Hitchcock himself could not have lensed a more nightmare-inducing scene of pure, psychological terror. We haven't showered since we saw Psycho, and we haven't walked up to Harley-Davidson corporate offices on our cell phone since we saw this sucker go down.

3. Goose Victim Screams For Mercy



This poor lady doesn't know that blood-curdling screams are what get the geese off. They want to hear your shouts and pleas. Then they murder you and touch themselves all night long, the memory of your fright-choked shrieks bringing them to orgasm, again and again.

2. Kids Trapped In Car By Geese



Cujo meets The Blair Witch Project, except this is real, and horrific. The kids' car was found 12 miles away, stripped clean and coated in blood and feathers.

1. Terror On The High Seas



We have nothing to say about this, because we can taste this man's panic on our tongues, and our tongues are now so traumatized they can only stammer, "Fear. Geese."