Sight Of Turtle Penis Exactly As Disturbing As One Would Expect

We feel for you, Turtle Who Humps Shoe. We've totally been there. The over-eager "oh" face, the high-pitched squeals accompanying weak thrusts, the gradual grasping that our penis is in nothing, the sad realization that we're humping a shoe, the confused dismount, the embarrassed walk away to search for a comforting piece of lettuce. It's like something from our autobiography. (Look for Sadly Realizing We're Humping A Shoe, coming this fall from Penguin.)

Oh, and by the way, y'all? It's the remix.