Spokane Banker Trapped In Never-Ending Cycle Of Duckling Rescues

The above ABC News report tells the heartwarming, slow-news-day story of Joel Armstrong, a Spokane banker, and the just-hatched ducklings he caught as they, following Mother Duck, leaped from a ten-foot high ledge into his strong, capable, banker hands (which are now covered in down, duckling crap, and media attention.) Joel and a group of onlookers directed by Frank Capra's ghost led the duck family through city streets to the safety of the river. Hooray! The End.

Or is it? For what ABC leaves out is that this EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED LAST YEAR.

(longer video at KXLY)

Joel Armstrong, you are trapped! Don't you know to never befriend a single mother? A nice, stable, respectable banker like yourself-- you're catnip to them, and they'll drain you for all you've got. That mother duck will be back, year after year. Then her visits will grow more frequent. She'll start dropping hints about "How'm I gonna pay for my babies' college?" and "Can you watch the ducklings while me and Beverly hit up happy hour at Fernigans?" Soon it's just you and the ducklings. "How'd this happen?" you'll drunkenly ask Charlie Gibson's televised face. But his attention will be elsewhere. Charlie Gibson can't help you now, chump!

Maybe next year you'll think twice about catching leaping ducklings. Or, hopefully, when Golddigger Duck shows up next year to lay eggs on that ledge, she'll find that your bank failed and you got the hell out of Spokane. Good luck, sucker.

More duckling catching coverage here. And here.