Three Wolf Moon Shirt: The 13 Best Amazon Reviews

It's Wolf Shirt Mania! According to the BBC (and picked up by Fark), the wolf tee pictured above "has become one of the most popular items sold by online retailer Amazon" and "sales of the kitsch Three Wolf Moon T-shirt shot up 2,300% after a spate of ironic reviews went viral." Yes, people slagging the shirt in online reviews have actually caused it to become a best-seller. Let's hope some of that snarky enthusiasm translates to blog traffic, as we present our Top 13 Reviews Of Amazon's Three Wolf Moon Shirt.

13. Convenience
"I been using my old "ONE wolf" t-shirt for over 13 years but every time I dirty it my wife tells me, "I ain't makin a trip to the laundry mat for just one shirt."
With this new one, I can trade off every 4 to 5 days without missing my wolves. I wish I had buyed this sooner." (link)

12. "All that was promised and more!"
I wore this shirt out in public once, and Stephenie Meyer approached me and asked to write my biography. (link)

11. Avoid Knockoffs
"Be careful to order your shirt from here only. I was looking to get one cheaper, and bought one off Ebay. You guessed it, one wolf, three moons." (link)


10. "EXCALIBUR DRAWN WITH THE POWER OF THE THREE WOLF MOON!"
"With the 3 wolves moon shirt on, I wandered the countryside, till I happened upon a sword in a stone in the middle of the forest. Walking to it, I placed my hand upon it's mighty handle, and felt the surge of 3 wolves-moon power, and drew it cleanly from the stone.

From the lake across from the stone, the angelic voices of a choir arose, and the Lady of the Lake drew forth, and she spoke "Honorable sir, you have no need of Excalibur, for your three wolves and moon garment grants you more power than anything in this world, or the next. I ask your favor to return the sword as your humble servant".

As she was a hot babe in silvery chain mail goodness, I did return the sword. Then the Lady in the Lake, and I hooked up for the weekend. With her cries of "THE MAN AND SHIRT ARE ONE!" (link)

9. Why DIY When You Can BATWMS (Buy A Three Wolf Moon Shirt)?
"Originally, I was going to wear a full costume when I attended the Los Angeles Renaissance Faire, as I understood many people did this in keeping with the spirit of the festival. I spent almost $5000 preparing my costume, which consisted of petticoats, a hoop skirt, a hand-made corset, a heavy brocade gown, antique precious-stone jewelry I inherited from my great-grandmother, antique lace gloves, hand-made shoes from Italy, a custom-made velvet feathered hat and real pearls woven into my hair.

However, the week before the Faire, I saw the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt on the Interwebs, and I took my costume outside into my backyard and set it on fire." (link)

8. Renders Body Art Useless
"Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather." (link)

7. "Why Can't Amazon Have More Stars? 5 Ain't Enough"
"So I'm looking for threads that say, "Hey baby...I'm real boss!" when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major...but three???

I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair. When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was Freebird. I immediately removed my "No Fat Chicks" shirt, and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH.

I'll spare the details of my conquests since I started wearing this shrit; suffice to say, I'm swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I'm also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt (I should say "shirts", since I now own 23 of them)." (link)

6. Do Not Give As Gift
"I purchased this shirt with the intention of giving it to my father. I knew he would feel it was fabulous and wear it with proud distinction. What I did not anticipate was the compelling gaze of Wolf #3. Upon opening the package I was instantly enraptured by its eyes and knew without a moment's doubt that my father could not have this t-shirt. It had to be mine.

Fate mocked me, however, for the gift arrived on Father's Day and I had no choice but to give it to him.

The anguish I was forced to endure was beyond the most savage of torments Hell could bestow upon the lowliest of mortals. What choice was I given? I murdered my father in a fit of jealous rage.

I sometimes pay a prostitute to wear the t-shirt and visit me in prison just so I can look lovingly upon it." (link)

5. Helps With Nipple Disorder
"Oh, dude! Got this thing for one thing, and one thing only. It involves my old lady, and me in nothing but a t-shirt. My old shirt was, to say the least, a little worn out from all the friction. You see, I have a medical disorder involving my nipples. Well, its not realy a disorder if you find nipples the size of Land O Lakes butter lids attractive. With nipples this size it is a must to cover them in some sort of awesome shirt before laying down with your lady. The great thing about the 3 wolf shirt is its black, which covers the coal black pigment found in my nips, it has wolfs on it, which gets my old lady in the mood, and you can get it in a 3xx. Need I say more? Didn't think so." (link)

4. "Even Simon Cowell Loves It"
"I thought things just couldn't get any better when yesterday night I met Simon Cowell at my local karaoke bar.
Wearing the shirt gave me the confidence I needed and, after my performance of "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias, Mr Cowell approached me and offered me a record deal." (link)

3. "not just for shirt"
"I tied the neck hole shut and put my legs through the arm holes and now my shirt is like cool shorts." (link)

2. "I think some of the benefits are exagerrated"
"So I got this wolf shirt because of, you know, the sweet wolves on it.

However, having owned this shirt for three weeks now and having tried it out in a variety of situations, both formal and informal, I'm beginning to believe that some of the benefits ---- as described by other reviewers ---- are exaggerated. For example, not ONE supermodel has approached me. Some of you may be used to having supermodels approach you on a regular basis but, believe me, I am not: I would notice one should she appear in my vicinity.

Similarly, I have not been invited to a vision quest, even though I wore my wolf shirt in New Mexico.

There is one thing, though, and that is that whenever I wear the wolf shirt I have a lot less issues with involuntary urination. I have not studied it long enough, however, to establish a cause/effect relationship.

Once, however, while wearing the wolf shirt I was mistaken for Schneider, the building superintendent on "One Day at a Time."

So I guess the jury is still out." (link)

1. "Dual Function Design"
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark." (link)