People make bad decisions all the time (like forcing their cats wear dresses.)People get bad tattoos all the time (especially tattoos of their favorite TV stars.) It is a blogger's job to highlight them. There is something especially bad about getting a bad animal tattoo. A beloved family member dies? Sure, their image belongs on your shin. Like Asian chicks? Ink poorly-translated Chinese symbols on your collarbone. Enjoy NASCAR? Put Dale Jr. on your lower back. But animals live their lives with dignity, eating each other and just generally being nature. We were charged with protecting the animals by the Great Spirit. What have animals ever done to deserve being painted onto our asses? Nothing, that's what. So why should they suffer alone? Look at our picks for the 22 Worst Animals Tattoos Ever and feel the animals' pain.
22. Dolphin Smoking A Bong
An oldie but a goodie. You have to include Dolphin Smoking A Bong on any list of bad animal tattoos (or bad drug-related tattoos, for that matter).
21. The Tasmanian Devil Riding A Unicorn
We could do entire lists of effed-up unicorn tattoos or tattoos that are bizarre interpretations of beloved cartoon characters. And we probably will, since tattoo lists get hits and we're creatively bereft. So consider this a teaser. Ride on, Taz. Ride on.
20. Is This A Coyote? Then This Coyote.
We're not sure how this happened. Apparently someone stole the paper towel full of the drunken doodles we did while on hold with the cable company, took it to a tattoo parlor, and had one of them permanently tattooed onto their arm. Should we sue? And who would we sue? Good taste?
19. Worst Wolf Tattoo Ever, Unless It Is The Worst Dog Tattoo Ever. Also Possibly It Is The Worst Polar Bear Tattoo Ever. We Honestly Have No Idea.
At least it's happy. Its face is sliding off, it has a severe lack of proportion, and it is completely unrecognizable as any animal known to man. None of that has dampened its enthusiasm for life. You go, tattoo!
18. Tina Fey My Little Pony
Look! 30 Rock is merchandising! We would totally buy plush 30 Rock Babies.
17. Unidentifiable Yellow Thing That Is Maybe A Cheetah Or Some Sort Of Bird
Sorry, person in photo below. This thing that you have tattooed on you that you think is a thing? It is not a thing. It is more like how a five-year-old with an extremely high fever would picture a tiger in their mind after doing whippits.
16. Mentally Challenged Tiger
We know two things: 1.) If there's a picture of breasts, we should be focusing on the breasts, not the awful tattoo. 2.) It's not cool to call someone "retarded" any longer. So let us apologize in advance for saying that this tiger above this lady's boob? It looks retarded.
15. Terrifying Satanic Devil Dog
Didn't this guy ever see The Omen? Devil's totally gonna get his nipple.
14. Inspirational Penguin
"Believe"? Believe what? That penguins can fly? Because they can't. We learned that years ago on the PBS children's series 3-2-1 Contact. Or maybe it was Penguins Can't Fly. It was a long time ago. However, we do remember this: This tattoo sucks.
13. Horribly Drawn Giraffe
We're assuming this is a giraffe. It looks more like the horse Ookla The Mok rode in Thundarr The Barbarian. See?
12. Dead Baby Chicks
Thanks, PETA. You totally ruined our lunch. And this guy's leg.
11. Full Back Bear Tattoo
This is fake, right? Please tell us this is fake. (We're sure you will with or without our prompting.) If it's not fake, it's a good way to cover up an unwanted back hair problem.
10. Dog Tattoo That Proves Someone Loves Their Dog A Little Too Much
Is this tattoo a memorial for a beloved pet who has passed on? That would help explain things. Not much, but still. There is no need to get tattoos of your pets if they're still alive. Especially tattoos that look like a mural on a freeway underpass that also features Aaliyah, Tupac, and Selena.
9. Deer That Looks Like It's Off A Giveaway Calendar From A Tractor Supply Store
Hey! This dude totally got a tattoo that's like the painting hanging in my grandparent's paneled den! They live in Arkansas.
8. Full Back Owl Tattoo
Unless this is Harry Potter's owl there is no reason to devote your entire back to it. Wait, unless it's the Affectionate Owl (featured in this list.) That owl is awesome and deserves your entire back as a canvas.
7. Dogs And Cats Living Together
This tattoo truly is a disaster of Biblical proportions.
6. Three Wolf Tattoo
We can only hope this tattoo endows its recipient with all the powers of the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt.
5. Fancy Walrus
Oh sure. This person couldn't just get a walrus tattoo. They had to get an elitist walrus tattoo. We bet this person smokes a pipe, wears tweed, and listens to NPR, all while stroking their tattoo and muttering, "See how smart we are, Fancy Walrus tattoo? See! How! Smart!" Then they break down sobbing, have a comforting glass of sherry, and go to bed alone.
4. Gay Bulldog
Hopefully this tattooee wanted a bulldog who looks like he's grand marshall of the West Hollywood Gay Pride parade. That's cool. Our feeling, however, is that this person has no idea how gay this bulldog comes off. Unintentionally gay bulldogs are always much more hilarious than intentionally gay bulldogs.
3. Cat-Tiger Thing That Looks Like We Drew It In Second Grade
At this point in the list, we can safely assume that art classes are not a necessary prerequisite for opening a tattoo parlor.
2. Boxing Kangaroo
Sorry. There's been some sort of mistake. This is supposed to go on our list of Awesomest Animal Tattoos. Our bad.
1. Any Tattoo That Uses A Person's Bellybutton As An Animal's A**hole
We hope that when future generations look back on humanity in the early twenty-first century, they do so with respect and admiration. But with photographic evidence of our idiocy like this in existence, we doubt it. Sorry, future generations. In our defense, when we got tattoos that used our bellybuttons as animal's a**holes, we were generally drunk.
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